TGIF, or Thank God It’s Fig-Day

Have you unbuckled your belt? Put on those loosey goosey I’m-in-for-the-day sweatpants? All aboard who’s ready for some sinful goodness cuz I’m not apologizing for any fatty foods beyond this point. Or shitty pictures, of which there are an abundance.

I’ve tried fresh figs before, but they just weren’t my jang. Now, dried figs are something I can get behind. They’re cheap (99 cents store rocks the shit), super portable, and toot-sweet for those not-to-be-ignored sugar cravings that flood the blood vessels come 3:00. Or is that just me? If you’re a dried fig virgin (and please pop that cherry soon for your tastebuds’ sake), just imagine the whole shebang of fresh figs without any of the weirdness. Oh balls, my description sucks.

Let’s try again, shall we? Crunchity crunch from the seeds, chewy gooey skin texture, date-like blow-ya-mind syrupy sweetness. Spread ‘em with peanut butter and it’s like a pb&j in yo mouth, except, you know, not. Unless you want to make a dried figgo pb sammich, that’s totes your call.

Salty & sweet is my favorite flavor combo in the vegan universe so I kinda go apeshit when I have these. And do I really have to herald the glories of peanut butter to you people? For those who have truly been living under a rock (say hi to Patrick Star for me) go to the nearest store, nay, to the sweet old grandma next door, and beg for a spoonful. Tell them it’s for a charity: PWPB (Peope Without Peanut Butter). Everybody stops asking questions when it’s for charity, particularly those of the mysterious abbreviation ilk.

Ok, so please don’t do that. Just plop your butt on the couch and spread some peanut butter on one, two, or, heck, the whole bag of dried figs. The peanut butter monster inside you (kinda like the tooth fairy, but stickier) will thank you.

In today’s news report regarding Emily’s sanity, I think posting every weekday is giving me the cah-RAY-zees. (See how I just switched between third and first person there?) The spazz factor on my posts has increased exponentially and it’s a bit inaprops. Let’s just stop right here and thank, I dunno, the big hypothetical man in the sky for weekends. Vegan MoFo bloggy break, yee!

Don’t rock the (banana) boat

So yesterday I got all inspired and went into “cook mode,” allowing my vegan creativity to pour out in the kitch like nobody’s business. It’s not like I created anything spectacular, but my sesame oil Asian marinade and cumin spice mixture came out surprisingly adequate. Too bad I was too ravenously hungry to bother with photographic evidence. That’s what happens when you wait until 3:30 to start cooking your “lunch.”

First, I made an awesome sesame seed-encrusted baked tofu sandwich with roasted carrots, purple kale, onions, and mustard on whole wheat sourdough bread. And since I rarely use the oven nowadays (one of the unfortunate side effects of the constant Sacramento heat) I decided to roast some chickpeas in an on-the-fly cumin-heavy spice mixture while I was baking the marinated tofu and carrots. Steamed broccoli was the perfect side. Quite tasty and all that, but I know you could care less because who wants to read about food porn? Not at all satisfying.

But I did photograph a yummy banana boat that is ridiculously easy, crazy cheap, and fairly healthy (for a dessert anyway). Everyone loves a big cookie or slice of pie, but who can be bothered for complex recipes or long baking times when the need for sugar comes right that second. Enter the banana boat.

I tried to make this look pretty, but the maple syrup drizzle just formed a big blop. Sad face.

To create: Slice banana in half (as shown), slather your favorite natural peanut butter all over, and add the toppings of your choice. That’s it. I added (real) maple syrup on the one pictured, but last night blueberries were an even better choice. Nuts, cocoa powder, or even melted chocolate would be great add-ins but the sky’s the limit. Or consider branching out to other nut butters like cashew, almond, tahini (sesame seed), sunflower, etc. You can also make this as unhealthy as you like by adding vegan ice cream or whipped cream. The best part? That it tastes like a decadent dessert/snack with almost no work involved. Perfect for the lazy blogger, a.k.a me, myself, and I.

Perfecto.